What a question to start off a blog with... You would think by my asking this question that somewhere in the world there is someone with their head exploding.
I recently watched a program on the Discovery Channel about the exsistance of God. It was explained scientifically from one person's perspective on the exsistance of God. I took it all in as I watched and it really made me think... I can respect a person's belief in their God, but I myself, honestly do not know if I believe.
Recent events in my life have truly rocked my belief in just about everything. This has not been the first time that my beliefs and religion have come into question for me and that just goes to show you, for lack of a better term, how "wishy-washy" that my beliefs truly are.
Now do not get me wrong, I believe in my love for my husband and I truly have the most faith in him and our relationship. I know that he is 100% with me and I am 100% with him and that faith or belief will NEVER waiver... But what I have a hard time believing in, is possibly of having to "answer" to a vengeful god that chooses to put his believers through tests just make their lives miserable. I have seen this very thing occur many times over.
For example, a young woman who has so much to give and has so much love and wants nothing but to give that love to someone that will appreciate it and give it back to her, she meets, time after time, asshats and douche bags that do nothing but hurt her and use her for whatever is needed at the time. Or a young family that truly wants nothing more than to have a child and give them the life that they've never had but for one reason or another, their chance is taken from them, putting them through hell and they are made to feel helpless time after time. It just seems to me, that the God that I would like to believe in, would not take away. He would not make our life miserable, in what seems to be whatever way he can. He would want us to grow and accomplish everything that we truly have the potential to accomplish. But again, this is not the case.
Now I have heard the agruments of "he tests you so that you may become stronger," or "he does things in his time," yadda yadda yadda. I don't believe that. I have a hard time believing that we are just supposed to suffer the punches of life and then be happy with what we have. We have the power in ourselves, to change our ways and to change our outcomes. I don't believe that if I sit and "pray" about something, that it is going to turn out differently. Why should I think that anything differently will happen, when it only appears that bad things are willed for us anyway? That is, if you believe that there is someone or something pulling the strings...
I have thought in the past that I have had trying times and something has happened for me to feel like something was there for me. As I look back, I realize that it was myself making a change for me. It was me that took charge and made things happen. Not some super human figure in the sky looking down and pointing a finger and making it so. When you try and try and nothing seems to be what you want... you can change that. And I am a true believer in myself, so why isn't that enough belief? Why do I have to believe that there is a great power? Isn't the greater power inside of my mind and body? Isn't the greater power that is pushing me to do the best and be the best I can be, me?
This is just my opinion and you know what say... Opinions are like assholes, and everyone has one... But I really want to know... what makes you believe?